Oh Baby!

So, this is my second pregnancy right?!!? Seeing as I've been through this before I shouldn't feel scared, unsure and panic-ful over the fact that it's getting close-- too close and I'm now in complete and total fear and dread over labor and delivery. Don't get me wrong, I am so ready to give birth and to see my little boy. But as far as anticipating fear and the epidural all over again, I feel like I've never been through this, and I have no idea how to put a brave face on. I might even cry this time! Last time, was so easy and no pain! Hallelujah! But what are the odds that I won't feel pain again? That I'll go into labor in the middle of the night, and Jason will be home? What if this and that... and yeah I am fretting!!!

So far, I've been good... I'm not looking up birthing video's on pregnancy websites, and I haven't been at all tempted to look up a picture of what an epidural needle looks like-- nor do I plan to until well after my birthing years. And so far, these thoughts are only mostly creeping into my brain late at night before I fall asleep. Sometimes I think, 'What was I thinking!? Jason's cute, but I'll never cuddle or be around him again after this!!!!' Yes, I love my husband VERY, VERY much, but women are the ones filled with the obligation to carry, potentially give a painful birth to a possibly big baby.

I just have to remember the cute baby in the end. It's like a few weeks ago when I was at the doctors office, and I had to be there for 3 + hours doing a glucose test and had to give blood on the hour, four times. And towards the end it was really painful and I was on the phone with Jason, and yes complaining and telling him, 'I'm never going to do this again!' Then I saw a few newborn babies with their mom's who were there, and I melted and told Jason, 'I can do this. I'll be okay. I'm willing to go through the pain just to have our baby!' I try to remember this as I get closer to my due date... So, I don't think fear or anxiety will ever go away no matter how many times I do this, but it's worth it!