Monday, May 24, 2010
A Random Post
I decided that it's been a long time since I posted any recent pictures, so here are a few I like. They are in no particular order. These pics were taken between Dec. 09- present.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Kyle Is One!!
Kyle turned one on Wednesday, May 12. However, due to bad weather we've been having, Jason just finishing up finals, and us still not completely unpacked and settled in our home, we've moved his birthday celebration to June 19. It was going to be June 12, but moving it another week worked out better. In celebration of my son's birthday, I wanted to make something a little special for him based on his favorite book, 'That's Not My Teddy.' Enjoy!
That's Not My Baby
That's not my baby, it's ears are too long.
That's not my baby, it's way, way too small.
That's not my baby, it's skin is too prickly.
That's not my baby, it's neck is too long.
That's not my baby, it climbs in the trees.
That's not my baby, it's fur is too thick.
That's not my baby, it lives in the ocean.
That's not my baby, it's skin is too striped.
That's My Baby! He has a big, big smile.
Happy, Happy First Birthday to my beautiful son!
That's Not My Baby
That's not my baby, it's ears are too long.
That's not my baby, it's way, way too small.
That's not my baby, it's skin is too prickly.
That's not my baby, it's neck is too long.
That's not my baby, it climbs in the trees.
That's not my baby, it's fur is too thick.
That's not my baby, it lives in the ocean.
That's not my baby, it's skin is too striped.
That's My Baby! He has a big, big smile.
Happy, Happy First Birthday to my beautiful son!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Journey to Me
I have a distant friend on facebook who has a website called, 'Professional Motherhood.' I've looked at her site several times and have always admired her knowledge on being a mother, where I on the other hand feel lacking at times. I won't lie, I look at her site often to get encouragement for myself and remind myself that I can do this.... I know that sounds funny. But being a mother of two isn't as easy as it would appear. Before having children I pictured smiling faces, a clean home, white picket fence... you know, things you see in family movies. Reality, children cry for an hour or so sometimes when they're in a tantrum or time out. The house is clean, but only after I've made time to clean it. And let's not forget about meals-- that also needs to put on the table. And I admit, not all the time am I really particular about what I feed my kids but I think about balance meals, what they've eaten already and what they still need to eat to have a healthy balance for their day. And kids are expensive!! I am blessed to have a hard working husband who allows me stay home, wants me to stay home and provides for us.
Now I'd like to share my journey to motherhood. I won't say much on the first part of this subject, but merely that I had many, many doubts on my ability to be a good mother. I feared I had never been taught those qualities because I came from a home that felt torn in so many ways. But even from that, I have reasons to be grateful, and as torn as it was, my mom still loved me, so from her I did learn to love. As a youth, I watched my friends' parents. I had a great group of friends and from each family I took note of qualities that I admired. And one of the biggest influences of my life, a lady named Sandra Christensen. Sandy passed away 4 years ago, and I felt I lost a mother. I felt empty and lost without her but felt happy for her because she was reuniting with her husband Andy.
Sandy and I met when I was attending Snow College; we were both in Handel's Messiah that year, and first-soprano's. She took kids into her home for free-- that I did not know because I was prepared to pay for one semester. I couldn't find a place that would only let me pay for half a year and when driving by her home one day remembered that she did that. She was amazing to me. She cried with me, was happy with me, taught me a lot. She honestly treated me as her own. When I was headed to Utah county to check out some apartments for when I was planning to move, she gently asked, "Can I come with you? I have nothing else to do today and we could go see Margo (her sister)." So we made a day of it! Just like a parent she told me concerns of each apartment and advised me not to get in on particular contracts that would lock me in. Other times, I watched her stay up for the other girls who lived there and you know, we're in college, so we stay out late sometimes. I remember her asking me to call one roommate when she hadn't come home yet and we couldn't get a hold of her, so Sandy stayed up, well into the morning waiting. I knew she was worried. She was at her computer playing spider solitaire until my roommate came home. And that happened to me once or twice as well, and I started to call to keep her at ease, but even then, she was still at the computer playing spider solitaire. That's when another roommate and I, Adrienne, decided we'd just not stay out late at night. Sandy always said, "Oh no, I'm not tired, I just couldn't sleep so I've been on the computer. Oh, but look at the time! I'm tired now!" LOL She just couldn't sleep until everyone was safely home. There are many more experiences I had with Sandy. I lived with her for one semester, moved away, then came back and lived with her for a summer. And weekend I would visit because I missed her. I don't know why the Lord blessed me with Sandy. I don't think I was deserving of such an earthly Angel, but she saved me in so many ways. If anyone only knew of the heartaches I felt at that time, and all the trials whirling around in my head. I wished there were more Sandy's out there now to help some of the loved one's I have. All I know is, I owe a great deal to this lady, who loved me and didn't need to. She took in orphans, one way or another, that I came to know. We somehow ended up in her home, in her care.... We were brought there by a loving Father in Heaven who knew and trusted this woman to take on more responsibilities that were not hers. How great must be her reward, for she saved so many young people and me from making terrible mistakes at the time and gave me view of what could be, and now I'm living that what could be that I never imagined I could. In her lifetime, her and husband adopted five children for she wasn't able to bear her own, but in addition to that, she had housed boys and girls for years for as long as her children could remember I believe. There were always young people in her home. And no charge, we didn't even pay for food. Tried as we may, if you bought something yourself, and Sandy saw it, the next day she'd come home from the store with five times the amount so you wouldn't buy anymore. Funny Sandy!
Back to my journey.... so because I didn't plan on marriage or family. I had big plans. I was a smart girl, Business Sterling Scholar for my high school, runner-up at Region, 33.5 college credits upon graduating high school, and I had landed an amazing job at Snow College where I ran an entire department and business for 3 years. It was time for me to move on, Utah County. I had no idea what I was going to do there. I thought of this time in my life as a pivoting point. I had no idea where I was supposed to be. While there, the only thing that happened, was I suddenly felt a great pull to go to Logan, and attend Utah State. So that Summer, I worked again for Snow, moved back in with Sandy, and that Fall planned on moving to Logan. My Bishop that summer called me into his office a few weeks before my move. I thought, 'Is he giving me a calling? I thought everyone knew I was moving.' Instead, he had a great impression to talk to me about Logan and felt prompted to give me a blessing. I cannot recall all the words, but I remember the important things that were said, paraphrasing: need to put my education and work on the back burner... focus on finding my husband and starting a family... watch for red flags when looking for my companion.... education was important, but not at the moment... Imagine for a minute what I was feeling. Me? Marriage? Children? In all of this, I had my heart broken twice since leaving high school. And in a few weeks, I was leaving yet another guy I met that summer, who asked me to stay and see if we had anything between us. I was fond of him, but I saw him nothing more than a summer fling. He was the second person to ask me to stay, and for the second time I was leaving and moving on. Moving on to what? I thought school, another great job, a new adventure, etc. "Search the mountains of Logan high and low to find my soul mate." That had also been part of the instruction from my Father in Heaven. I was shocked? Scared. And suddenly felt some sort of rebellion inside of me because I did not want to do that! Anything else but that!!! So what did I do, I made big mistakes. I buried myself in school and I landed an amazing job as a secretary at a charter school but was extremely overwhelmed with school and work and starting to doubt why I had put so many demands on myself. I skipped lunch, just to get a half hour nap in during my day. And as hard as I tried, school was not happening for me. I experienced personal failure in school for the first time and that hurt. I asked so many times, 'Why?' But I already knew why. Because I was not following direction. Because I was rebelling. To add to all this, I started dating a guy with many, many, many red flags. It was almost like I didn't want to full fill the future I was suppose to have, so I went against all the divine instruction given to me. Sandy passed away that May, in the final stages of all my failures. Grades were in, relationship over, and school year at a close at the charter school. It was time to get to know me. I felt humbled, I can say that now, even though at the time, I was constantly trying to humble myself. I dated, but for the most part, mentally, I was taking a break. Then one day, I made the decision to stop dating for a year, so I could just focus on me. I was dating pointlessly, and just to get out and have fun, but I really didn't need that. Not after the year I'd had. But then and there I already had a few dates lined up and I was going to finish those out at least. I prayed to my Father, pleaded with him to help me not become distracted with anyone I met. And I felt good about the feeling I received. Peace. I took that as, 'Good. I have nothing to worry about.'
A week later, I answered the door to be met by a grossly built (football player-- biggest one on the team), cut, tall, scruffy, unshaven man, with a cocky look, wearing army pants, and driving a Mustang-- it didn't matter that he was sickly handsome. Can I just walk back into my apartment now?... I thought to myself, followed by, I hope this is a 30 minute date at the most, and so much for red flags....! Then this guy has the nerve to ask me how serious I am about being in a committed relationship. Lie... 'Not at all. I like to date a lot, just for fun. I don't really want to settle down right now.' I had my mind made up about this guy, and felt like I was only entertaining his conversations, biding my time. We were standing in front of a fire and he put his arms around me. Oh great! Putting the moves on already. I knew his type. So I moved. And he moved with me. Hmmm. All of a sudden, I felt that burning within my breast (no, not the romantic kind), it was more of an 'Uh Oh, Please Lord, Please Lord No! I beg you not this Man!!! Anyone but him!' I felt that confirmation that I found my future companion in marriage! My head was spinning (again not romantically; I was in a panic). What kind of life could I possibly have with this piece of work? But lessons learned of not being an obedient daughter, and humbling myself again, I said a little prayer, 'Okay, if this be your will. Mine also.' I felt a little disappointed, sure he looked good, but I wanted more than that. But now I listened to what he had to say. I wanted to know more, I had to know more at this point. Then he peaked my interest.... He brought a subject up about the gospel. He was knowledgeable. I found out he served an LDS mission. He was hard working. As the night went on I found out I was wrong about this young man. He had qualities. Desirable qualities. I also found out he was nervous and he liked me. It was our first date and we kissed, in the forest, by a fire, under the stars. I didn't really know much about him, but he felt right. I felt excited. I was done dating. I met Jason Thomas Viator.
Fast forward... Marriage, birth of Lily, birth of Kyle. We are a happy family. I am a stay at home mom, Jason works a full time and part time job, and goes to school part time. We own a modest, but nice home, and we are active members of the LDS church and were sealed in the temple, September 2008.
I couldn't sleep last night, thinking about all this. I haven't written like this in years since I put down my journal. I had nothing happy to write about, and then things took off and I didn't make time. I am a happy person. I love my husband, I love my children. Life is not without challenges, but it's also not without God. the Lord in all his tender mercies has remembered me all this time. Even through my stubbornness and pushing Him away. I know that the LDS church is true, our Saviour lives and he atoned for our sins. He lives. That is my testimony and what I've lived so far in my life is part of that testimony. Amen.
Now I'd like to share my journey to motherhood. I won't say much on the first part of this subject, but merely that I had many, many doubts on my ability to be a good mother. I feared I had never been taught those qualities because I came from a home that felt torn in so many ways. But even from that, I have reasons to be grateful, and as torn as it was, my mom still loved me, so from her I did learn to love. As a youth, I watched my friends' parents. I had a great group of friends and from each family I took note of qualities that I admired. And one of the biggest influences of my life, a lady named Sandra Christensen. Sandy passed away 4 years ago, and I felt I lost a mother. I felt empty and lost without her but felt happy for her because she was reuniting with her husband Andy.
Sandy and I met when I was attending Snow College; we were both in Handel's Messiah that year, and first-soprano's. She took kids into her home for free-- that I did not know because I was prepared to pay for one semester. I couldn't find a place that would only let me pay for half a year and when driving by her home one day remembered that she did that. She was amazing to me. She cried with me, was happy with me, taught me a lot. She honestly treated me as her own. When I was headed to Utah county to check out some apartments for when I was planning to move, she gently asked, "Can I come with you? I have nothing else to do today and we could go see Margo (her sister)." So we made a day of it! Just like a parent she told me concerns of each apartment and advised me not to get in on particular contracts that would lock me in. Other times, I watched her stay up for the other girls who lived there and you know, we're in college, so we stay out late sometimes. I remember her asking me to call one roommate when she hadn't come home yet and we couldn't get a hold of her, so Sandy stayed up, well into the morning waiting. I knew she was worried. She was at her computer playing spider solitaire until my roommate came home. And that happened to me once or twice as well, and I started to call to keep her at ease, but even then, she was still at the computer playing spider solitaire. That's when another roommate and I, Adrienne, decided we'd just not stay out late at night. Sandy always said, "Oh no, I'm not tired, I just couldn't sleep so I've been on the computer. Oh, but look at the time! I'm tired now!" LOL She just couldn't sleep until everyone was safely home. There are many more experiences I had with Sandy. I lived with her for one semester, moved away, then came back and lived with her for a summer. And weekend I would visit because I missed her. I don't know why the Lord blessed me with Sandy. I don't think I was deserving of such an earthly Angel, but she saved me in so many ways. If anyone only knew of the heartaches I felt at that time, and all the trials whirling around in my head. I wished there were more Sandy's out there now to help some of the loved one's I have. All I know is, I owe a great deal to this lady, who loved me and didn't need to. She took in orphans, one way or another, that I came to know. We somehow ended up in her home, in her care.... We were brought there by a loving Father in Heaven who knew and trusted this woman to take on more responsibilities that were not hers. How great must be her reward, for she saved so many young people and me from making terrible mistakes at the time and gave me view of what could be, and now I'm living that what could be that I never imagined I could. In her lifetime, her and husband adopted five children for she wasn't able to bear her own, but in addition to that, she had housed boys and girls for years for as long as her children could remember I believe. There were always young people in her home. And no charge, we didn't even pay for food. Tried as we may, if you bought something yourself, and Sandy saw it, the next day she'd come home from the store with five times the amount so you wouldn't buy anymore. Funny Sandy!
Back to my journey.... so because I didn't plan on marriage or family. I had big plans. I was a smart girl, Business Sterling Scholar for my high school, runner-up at Region, 33.5 college credits upon graduating high school, and I had landed an amazing job at Snow College where I ran an entire department and business for 3 years. It was time for me to move on, Utah County. I had no idea what I was going to do there. I thought of this time in my life as a pivoting point. I had no idea where I was supposed to be. While there, the only thing that happened, was I suddenly felt a great pull to go to Logan, and attend Utah State. So that Summer, I worked again for Snow, moved back in with Sandy, and that Fall planned on moving to Logan. My Bishop that summer called me into his office a few weeks before my move. I thought, 'Is he giving me a calling? I thought everyone knew I was moving.' Instead, he had a great impression to talk to me about Logan and felt prompted to give me a blessing. I cannot recall all the words, but I remember the important things that were said, paraphrasing: need to put my education and work on the back burner... focus on finding my husband and starting a family... watch for red flags when looking for my companion.... education was important, but not at the moment... Imagine for a minute what I was feeling. Me? Marriage? Children? In all of this, I had my heart broken twice since leaving high school. And in a few weeks, I was leaving yet another guy I met that summer, who asked me to stay and see if we had anything between us. I was fond of him, but I saw him nothing more than a summer fling. He was the second person to ask me to stay, and for the second time I was leaving and moving on. Moving on to what? I thought school, another great job, a new adventure, etc. "Search the mountains of Logan high and low to find my soul mate." That had also been part of the instruction from my Father in Heaven. I was shocked? Scared. And suddenly felt some sort of rebellion inside of me because I did not want to do that! Anything else but that!!! So what did I do, I made big mistakes. I buried myself in school and I landed an amazing job as a secretary at a charter school but was extremely overwhelmed with school and work and starting to doubt why I had put so many demands on myself. I skipped lunch, just to get a half hour nap in during my day. And as hard as I tried, school was not happening for me. I experienced personal failure in school for the first time and that hurt. I asked so many times, 'Why?' But I already knew why. Because I was not following direction. Because I was rebelling. To add to all this, I started dating a guy with many, many, many red flags. It was almost like I didn't want to full fill the future I was suppose to have, so I went against all the divine instruction given to me. Sandy passed away that May, in the final stages of all my failures. Grades were in, relationship over, and school year at a close at the charter school. It was time to get to know me. I felt humbled, I can say that now, even though at the time, I was constantly trying to humble myself. I dated, but for the most part, mentally, I was taking a break. Then one day, I made the decision to stop dating for a year, so I could just focus on me. I was dating pointlessly, and just to get out and have fun, but I really didn't need that. Not after the year I'd had. But then and there I already had a few dates lined up and I was going to finish those out at least. I prayed to my Father, pleaded with him to help me not become distracted with anyone I met. And I felt good about the feeling I received. Peace. I took that as, 'Good. I have nothing to worry about.'
A week later, I answered the door to be met by a grossly built (football player-- biggest one on the team), cut, tall, scruffy, unshaven man, with a cocky look, wearing army pants, and driving a Mustang-- it didn't matter that he was sickly handsome. Can I just walk back into my apartment now?... I thought to myself, followed by, I hope this is a 30 minute date at the most, and so much for red flags....! Then this guy has the nerve to ask me how serious I am about being in a committed relationship. Lie... 'Not at all. I like to date a lot, just for fun. I don't really want to settle down right now.' I had my mind made up about this guy, and felt like I was only entertaining his conversations, biding my time. We were standing in front of a fire and he put his arms around me. Oh great! Putting the moves on already. I knew his type. So I moved. And he moved with me. Hmmm. All of a sudden, I felt that burning within my breast (no, not the romantic kind), it was more of an 'Uh Oh, Please Lord, Please Lord No! I beg you not this Man!!! Anyone but him!' I felt that confirmation that I found my future companion in marriage! My head was spinning (again not romantically; I was in a panic). What kind of life could I possibly have with this piece of work? But lessons learned of not being an obedient daughter, and humbling myself again, I said a little prayer, 'Okay, if this be your will. Mine also.' I felt a little disappointed, sure he looked good, but I wanted more than that. But now I listened to what he had to say. I wanted to know more, I had to know more at this point. Then he peaked my interest.... He brought a subject up about the gospel. He was knowledgeable. I found out he served an LDS mission. He was hard working. As the night went on I found out I was wrong about this young man. He had qualities. Desirable qualities. I also found out he was nervous and he liked me. It was our first date and we kissed, in the forest, by a fire, under the stars. I didn't really know much about him, but he felt right. I felt excited. I was done dating. I met Jason Thomas Viator.
Fast forward... Marriage, birth of Lily, birth of Kyle. We are a happy family. I am a stay at home mom, Jason works a full time and part time job, and goes to school part time. We own a modest, but nice home, and we are active members of the LDS church and were sealed in the temple, September 2008.
I couldn't sleep last night, thinking about all this. I haven't written like this in years since I put down my journal. I had nothing happy to write about, and then things took off and I didn't make time. I am a happy person. I love my husband, I love my children. Life is not without challenges, but it's also not without God. the Lord in all his tender mercies has remembered me all this time. Even through my stubbornness and pushing Him away. I know that the LDS church is true, our Saviour lives and he atoned for our sins. He lives. That is my testimony and what I've lived so far in my life is part of that testimony. Amen.
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